# Balance > Balance is not a fixed midpoint or a compromise where each side gives up what it wants. It is the active co-creation of a way for both people to experience what they actually prefer without diminishing each other. Bashar names this the Goldilocks principle not too fast not too slow just right for both of you. The work of balance is the willing imaginative search for that just right. - Canonical: https://sassani.app/topic/balance # Balance *Two distinct shoreline routes meet at an adjustable shared crossing* Balance, in the form Bashar teaches here, is not a fixed midpoint or a compromise where each side gives up what it wants. It is the active co-creation of a way for both people to experience what they actually prefer without diminishing each other. Bashar names this with a deliberately playful analogy — the Goldilocks principle: not too fast, not too slow, just right for both of you. The work of balance is the willing, imaginative search for that "just right," not the enforcement of a pre-decided answer. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-1), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) ## Balance as the project a relationship is actually doing When two people in a relationship keep clashing over a single surface behavior — in the transcript's case, one partner who drives fast because it brings him into the moment, the other who is frightened by the speed — Bashar reframes the clash itself as the relationship doing its real work. The partners are reflecting to each other the exploration of balance: "Not too fast, not too slow, just right for both of you... seeking balance. That's what you are reflecting to each other right now." The first move is to recognize that this is what is happening, rather than treating the friction as a problem to be fixed by one side prevailing. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-1), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) On this view the relationship's purpose is to support the other in becoming more of who they are, which means the goal is "to find a way, using your imaginations, that both of you can experience what you really prefer to experience and, at the same time, when you choose to share moments together, can create an experience that benefits you both." Balance is co-created; it is not a midpoint that pre-exists the search. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-1), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) ## Why people refuse to find a balance *One fixed stone blocks a flexible crossing while several open placements remain beside it* Bashar locates the source of refusal not in selfishness but in an unexamined belief. Many times when people refuse to find a balance, it is simply because they hold a belief that there is no other way to have their wish fulfilled — not because no other way actually exists, but because they have never looked for one. The work is to get underneath the surface expression to the basic wish it serves, which is "far simpler than you think and can be fulfilled in many different ways." > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-1), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) The transcript's central example is the move from "I need to do this and I need to do it exactly this way" to the underlying wish it expresses: "I need to feel approval, I need to feel love." Once the underlying wish is named — the recognition "I just need to feel love and approval and my own self-worth" — it becomes immediately visible that the wish can be met through many expressions, not only the one being insisted on. The fixed surface demand is "just a surface idea, it is not the true core idea I really want to experience." > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-2), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) ## Imagination as the organ of balance Because balance is co-created and cannot be pre-known, imagination is the faculty that finds it. Bashar's instruction is explicit: "You have to have the imagination and the willingness to sit down and explore to find out what is the basic need that needs fulfillment, and then allow yourself to say, how else can that be fulfilled? What else can I do for you to fulfill that, what else can you do for me to fulfill that? And then you find the idea of the balance." Balance is the result of this imaginative search, not its starting point. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-2), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) This means balance is unavailable to a refusal to explore. If one partner will not sit down to the imaginative work, then in Bashar's reading they are not actually in the relationship — they may be driving the other away. In that case the balanced response is not to chase or to capitulate but to remove yourself, which lets the other meet the real consequence of their choice and gives them the opportunity to decide what they actually prefer. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-3), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) ## Balance and unconditional love *An unused side path ends at a calm boundary while the shared route remains intact* The teaching ties balance directly to unconditional love. If a partner refuses even to explore how things could work for both of you, your ability to be "unconditional loving enough to show him what the consequence of his choice is" is what gives them the opportunity to recognize what they truly prefer. Removing yourself, in this frame, is not a punishment but an act of unconditional love: it shows the actual physical reflection of the choice the other has made. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-3), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) This ties balance to honesty rather than to accommodation. A balance that requires one person to disappear their actual preference is not the balance Bashar is pointing at; the balance he is pointing at requires both people to be more themselves, not less. Where that is not available, the unconditional move is to let the situation reveal what the other's choice actually is. > — Relationship The Goldilocks Principle Seeking Balance (qa-3), [Source](https://sassani.app/source-transmissions/relationship-the-goldilocks-principle-seeking-balance) ## Practical implications When you find yourself locked in a recurring clash over a surface behavior, treat the clash as the relationship signaling where balance has not yet been co-created. Strip the surface demand down to the basic wish beneath it; the transcript's working assumption is that the wish itself (to feel loved, approved of, worthy) is almost always simpler than the insisted-on expression of it. Once the wish is named, the question becomes "how else can that be fulfilled?" — and balance is found by answering that question together, with imagination. Notice the difference between refusing a specific expression and refusing the search itself. Bashar treats a refusal to explore as qualitatively different from a disagreement about content: someone who will not explore whether a mutually fulfilling way exists may be showing that they are not actually in the relationship. The balanced response in that case is not to insist but to remove yourself, which lets reality reflect the consequence of the choice honestly. This is relational guidance, not legal, financial, or safety direction. Nothing here should be read as counseling someone to remain in — or leave — a particular relationship, or as overriding professional judgment in situations involving harm. The transcript gives an orientation toward co-creative balance, not a prescription for any specific relationship decision. ## Representative passages You are exploring what on your planet might euphemistically be called the Goldilocks principle. Not too fast, not too slow, just right for both of you. Seeking balance. That is what you are reflecting to each other right now... The idea of relationships is to support the other in becoming more of who they are, so the idea is to find a way, using your imaginations, that both of you can experience what you really prefer to experience and, at the same time, when you choose to share moments together, can create an experience that benefits you both.— Bashar, Some people say, I need to do this and I need to do it exactly this way, and all they are actually saying is I need to feel approval, I need to feel love. But when you bring it down to that basic wish fulfillment — I just need to feel love and approval and my own self-worth — once you recognize that that is what is behind that expression, you can then say, wait a minute, there are many ways to express the idea of being loved and feeling my self-worth. It does not have to be that particular expression.— Bashar, If you find that he is resistant to exploring, then what he actually may be doing is driving you away. And if that is what he chooses to do, your ability to be unconditional loving enough to show him what the consequence of his choice is will give him the opportunity to recognize what he truly prefers... By thus removing yourself, you are showing what the actual physical reflection or consequence is of his choice, giving him the opportunity to decide, wait a minute, I actually do prefer to be in a relationship with who you really are.— Bashar, ## Related - [Relationships](https://sassani.app/topic/relationships) - [Definitions & Beliefs](https://sassani.app/topic/definitions-and-beliefs) - [Unconditional Love](https://sassani.app/topic/unconditional-love) - [Imagination](https://sassani.app/topic/imagination) Markdown twin of https://sassani.app/topic/balance. The HTML page is the source of truth.