# Forgiveness > Forgiveness is allowance that accepts what happened happened and that the person was obeying their beliefs so the underlying definition can be seen and changed. - Canonical: https://sassani.app/topic/forgiveness # Forgiveness *A figure sets a layered stone bundle beside still water and faces an open reflection* Forgiveness, in Bashar's teaching, is a form of allowance — the self-permission to accept that what happened happened, and that you (or another) were obeying whatever was genuinely believed to be true at the time. It is not a denial of emotion or of harm, and it does not require condoning the act. Its function is to stop the layer of guilt and judgment from piling on top of the issue, so the underlying definition — the actual source of the reaction — can be seen and, if you choose, changed. ## Forgiveness as allowance, acceptance, and compassion Bashar defines forgiveness through a cluster of related words: allowance, acceptance, compassion, understanding. Acceptance means you accept that another's point of view is valid for them while yours is valid for you. In that state of total equal validation there is, in a sense, nothing to forgive — and that same state is simultaneously one of pure compassion. Compassion, he says, is support. This framing matters because it relocates forgiveness away from a transaction ("they wronged me, I pardon them") and toward a stance of being. You are not declaring the act acceptable; you are recognizing the other's viewpoint as theirs and remaining rooted in yours, without needing to invalidate either. ## Why anyone perpetrates: perpetrators were victims first When forgiveness is asked about in the face of real harm — suffering at another's hands — Bashar's consistent answer is that the only reason someone forces something upon another is because they themselves are in pain. They are lashing out because they resent being shown an example of self-empowerment they were taught to believe they do not have. It takes a victim to make a victim. From that understanding, compassion becomes possible: you do not have to condone the choices to love the being unconditionally as someone going through their own exploration of fear and disempowerment. The other experienced their own life in a victimized way as well, and what they did was the best they could do with it. You can hold compassion for the state of being that forced those choices without agreeing that the choices were in anyone's best interest. This is also, in Bashar's phrasing, the practical ground from which the harmed person can eventually help the perpetrator find their own self-empowerment — because the greatest power needs only the gentlest touch, and forcing is itself proof that the person believes they have none. ## Self-forgiveness and the source definition For the self, forgiveness is the allowance that lets you accept you have been obeying whatever you truly believed to be true. Bashar's instruction is to let what is be what it needs to be long enough for you to find out what it is — and then change it. This is not denial of the emotion or the belief; it is the ability to allow whatever happened, in the way it happened, to be what needed to happen to put you in touch with what you really need to know. Crucially, Bashar warns that no amount of forgiveness substitutes for reaching the source definition. Emotional reactions are secondary responses to something already believed true; the emotion points to the belief but does not heal it. So forgiveness clears the noise — the layered guilt and self-judgment — so the core definition can be seen and replaced. Without that final step of changing the definition, the pattern will return, because there are no emotional reactions without a definition beneath them. ## History does not have to repeat Bashar directly addresses the fear that a painful pattern (for example, an absent parent) must be repeated by the next generation. History does not automatically repeat itself; it is based on the choices you make. If you are truly a different person, you do not have the same history anymore — you never did. Forgiveness, by loosening the grip of the old definition, is part of what lets that difference become real. ## Practical implications Distinguish condoning from accepting. Forgiveness does not require calling a harmful act acceptable. Accept that the other's viewpoint is valid for them while yours remains valid for you; from that equal-validation stance, compassion — support — becomes possible without endorsement. Use forgiveness to clear the layer of guilt, not to skip the core work. Self-forgiveness lets the current state be acceptable long enough to examine it. The real change comes from finding and replacing the source definition beneath the emotional reaction; without that, the pattern returns. When harmed, remember perpetrators were victims first. Recognizing that harm is done by people in pain who were taught they lack power does not erase accountability, harm, or needed boundaries, but it can release the personal charge that keeps you bound to the event. Do not treat a painful history as destiny. A repeated pattern is a choice, not a sentence; becoming a different person — in part through the definitional change forgiveness enables — means you no longer carry the same history. Note the boundary. Bashar's teaching on forgiveness is metaphysical and emotional. It does not constitute direction to remain in unsafe situations, to forgo professional support, or to avoid legal, medical, or protective action where circumstances require it. ## Representative passages Forgiveness is allowance, acceptance, compassion, understanding. Acceptance means you accept that their point of view is valid for them, while yours is valid for you. In that sense, there is nothing to forgive if you stay in the state of total equal validation and acceptance, and that is also simultaneously a state of pure compassion. Compassion is support.— Bashar, Fourth Density Balancing Act (fourth-density-balancing-act#qa-5) Forgiveness of the self allows you to know that you are simply obeying whatever you really believe to be true and let that be all right. Let what is be what it needs to be so that you can find out what it is, so you can find out how to change it. It's not a denial of the emotion or the belief, but the ability to allow whatever happened in the way it happened to be what needed to happen to put you in touch with what you really need to know. No matter how much forgiveness you utilize, it will always come back down to the source of the definition you have of reality that would allow you to have reacted the way you did, because you have no reactions and no emotional responses if you don't have a definition.— Bashar, Preparer Of The Way (preparer-of-the-way#qa-8) The idea behind forgiveness is that you understand from compassion that the only reason someone would perpetrate or force something upon another is because they themselves are in pain. And they're simply lashing out because they resent being shown an example of self-empowerment which they've been taught to believe they don't have. It takes a victim to make a victim.— Bashar, of2Mistaken Identity Bashar [2015-06-20] (of2mistaken-identity-bashar-2015-06-20-2#qa-1) You don't have to condone his choices in order to love him unconditionally as a being that is going through his own exploration of his fears and his beliefs in lack of self-empowerment. You can understand that it takes a victim to make a victim. He experienced his life in a victimized way as well, and this is the best he could do with it.— Bashar, Months And Counting (months-and-counting#qa-18) ## Related - [Emotionality & Releasing Emotion](https://sassani.app/topic/emotion-releasing) - [Definitions & Beliefs](https://sassani.app/topic/definitions-and-beliefs) - [Self-Love & Self-Worth](https://sassani.app/topic/self-love) - [Healing](https://sassani.app/topic/healing) - [Unconditional Love](https://sassani.app/topic/unconditional-love) - [Compassion](https://sassani.app/topic/compassion) Markdown twin of https://sassani.app/topic/forgiveness. 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