# Parenting > Parenting combines self-reflection, safe consequence scenarios, protection, and adapting lessons to child's excitement. - Canonical: https://sassani.app/topic/parenting # Parenting In these transcripts parenting is framed as an inside-out activity: the parent is always also raising themselves, and the work is to meet the child in their own excitement and imagination rather than to mold them into a preconceived shape. The sessions reject both permissiveness and coercion, and replace both with a third option — inventing safe, miniature scenarios in which the child can actually experience the consequence of a choice on a small scale. ## The child mirrors the parent A parent challenged by an aggressive child is told, "you are still raising yourself. Many of you are children raising children." The first move is not a technique for the child but a self-examination by the parent: "Are you doing the best you can? Do you love the child? What else can you do besides loving your child and doing the best you can?" The framing locates the difficulty in the parent's own unresolved material as much as in the child's behavior, so the work of parenting and the work of raising yourself are the same work. ## Teach consequences by safe scenarios, not by punishment The sessions are explicit that children "must be taught the consequences of choices" — and equally explicit that this is not punishment. The parent's task is to be "inventive enough to use your imagination to come up with ways of allowing them to experience these things in a safe modality." The method is to arrange "a miniature version, a safer version" of the situation the child is reaching for, so the child can "learn what consequences they do and don't prefer on the smaller interactive scale rather than having to experience it on the larger scale which may damage them irreparably." Once a child learns consequences on the safe small scale, "they will apply them on every other level" and "discipline themselves." Interactivity is named as the best teacher: actually doing something and seeing what happens. ## Meet the child in their excitement The allowance session addresses the belief that parents cannot follow their own excitement because they have children. The response turns the obstacle into the method: "You must rely on your own child-like imagination in order to actually raise a child correctly. You have to be the magician." The parent is asked to create scenarios that let the child, in a safe environment, understand the consequences of each choice and so learn to be self-empowered — and specifically to "adapt anything you believe that they need to learn in life to their excitement, rather than attempting to shove their excitement into a box in order to learn something." This is consistent with the single mother in Remembering Who You Are who describes herself as "ambitious for" her two-and-a-half-year-old. She is told that no parent can exceed a child's own ambition for itself, and is given a short list: "Teach this with a gentle touch, the gentlest touch of all." Everyone, including every child, "is already as powerful as he or she needs to be to create anything they desire without ever having to hurt themselves or anyone else in order to do so." The parent solicits the child's own idea of how a principle excites them most, loves them unconditionally, and frames the parameters of physical reality as "creative and constructive" limits rather than as punishments. *A child moves a stone at a fork in a shallow watercourse while a caregiver keeps watch from the bank* ## Preference, not judgment The hologram session draws a clean line between two ways a parent can teach. "This does not mean judging. This means preference. The teaching of preference as opposed to judgment, which is an invalidation of something." The warning is that much of what parents teach as fearful is fear they have already transmitted: "Much of what you fear you must teach the child is being taught because parents already have taught the child to fear certain things." The alternative offered is trust — "you can trust that the child being born knows what it is doing, that the connection between child and parents is never broken" — and reassuring the child's "innate safety and assuredness in creativity." ## Practical implications The combined guidance gives a parent several concrete moves. Examine your own definitions before correcting the child, because the child often mirrors what has not yet been resolved in you. When a lesson is needed, invent a safe, scaled-down scenario in which the child can actually experience the consequence of the choice, rather than punishing the choice or merely describing it. Adapt whatever you believe the child needs to learn to the child's own excitement, instead of forcing the child's excitement into your preferred shape. Teach preference rather than judgment, and notice where what you call "teaching" is actually the transmission of your own fear. These are interpretive orientations, not developmental, medical, or safety direction. The transcripts do not address, and must not be taken to address, specific clinical, behavioral-health, or safeguarding situations; those require qualified professional and parental judgment. ## Representative passages Many of you are children raising children. Are you doing the best you can? Do you love the child? What else can you do besides loving your child and doing the best you can? Children must be taught the consequences of choices... you can arrange as the adult certain safe environments, interactive environments, that create a miniature version, a safer version of the idea that they were attempting to do.— Bashar, Teaching Children The Consequence Of Choices (teaching-children-the-consequence-of-choices#qa-1) You must rely on your own child-like imagination in order to actually raise a child correctly. You have to be the magician... You have to adapt anything you believe that they need to learn in life to their excitement, rather than attempting to shove their excitement into a box in order to learn something.— Bashar, Allowance (allowance#qa-6) Teach this with a gentle touch, the gentlest touch of all. Everyone, including every child, is already as powerful as he or she needs to be to create anything they desire without ever having to hurt themselves or anyone else in order to do so.— Bashar, Remembering Who You Are (remembering-who-you-are#qa-13) This does not mean judging. This means preference. The teaching of preference as opposed to judgment, which is an invalidation of something.— Bashar, Hologram (hologram#qa-10) ## Related - [Children](https://sassani.app/topic/children) - [Education](https://sassani.app/topic/education) - [Communication](https://sassani.app/topic/communication) - [Fear](https://sassani.app/topic/fear) - [Self-Empowerment](https://sassani.app/topic/self-empowerment) - [Relationships](https://sassani.app/topic/relationships) Markdown twin of https://sassani.app/topic/parenting. The HTML page is the source of truth.